Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
