Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize