it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
