Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
