piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills