I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
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All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
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Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
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