Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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