Just mADE A PArabola og urine
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
So apparently I’m into choking now
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
