I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Randomize
