I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
You have to summon your inner elephant
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
