Your face is a jimmy john
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
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