my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
