She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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