I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
