ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
We named our party play list daddy issues
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
