i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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