Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
