Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
