Your face is a jimmy john
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
