Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
