Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
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