So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
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I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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