where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
