Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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