im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Randomize