So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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