i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Randomize
