I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
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HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
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Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I'm like, not good at living.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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