My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
And then my night got REAL pukey
I am naked and annoyed.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
