wakey wakey hands off snakey
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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