One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Randomize
