i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
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I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
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He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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