She's JV to your varsity
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
3 2 1 whiskey
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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