I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
