So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
