no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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