Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
