I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
he was CRYING into my vagina
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
