Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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