If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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