for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
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