Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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