yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Text me some of your sweat
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