i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with youâ€
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