meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
