someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
