so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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