he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
i used baking grease as lip gloss
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
