neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
