I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
His nipple licking is glorious
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