It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"