Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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