we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.