Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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