Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
He called his prostate his "boner button".
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I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
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Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.