Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?