I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.