Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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