My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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