At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
