I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I understand Curling. That high.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
