we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
