we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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