She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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