Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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