Pass out mid-funnel last night.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Come share oat with me in your robe
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize