Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
